Pour Out | Week Forty-Nine

This week, I attended a gym class. Afterwards, I waited outside for my mom to finish talking to one of her friends. I glanced at a bulletin board and started reading the flyers. All kinds of random advertisements were posted, and yet all of them seemed trivial and irrelevant.

‘How on earth do people think it’s okay to waste their time doing these things?’ I suddenly thought. ‘There’s got to be more to life, than chasing down all these temporary satisfactions.’

Then out of nowhere, the two things that I want to do with my life jumped into my mind. The two things I am longing for, have been longing for, for years. I’ve tried numerous avenues and numerous ways to get to this, but it just never happens.

 And I realized that this is why all other things seem so insignificant, so unimportant.

That same afternoon, I took a nap. When I woke up, I stared at the ceiling. I took a bold risk and made my deepest desires known to God. ‘God, this is what I want to do with my life. Can You make a way for me?’

It felt like I was reaching deep into the deepest of the deepest part of my heart, and I was pulling out something raw and wounded.

When I got up, I looked at my phone. My friend had sent me a text with the following message attached to it: ‘One day you will see why God made you wait.’

That same evening at JSSM, one of our students shared that her favourite Bible story was the one of Hannah, where she had been wanting to get pregnant for so many years. She poured her heart out to God by saying, ‘If You’ll take a good, hard look at my pain if You’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me by giving me a son, I’ll give him completely to You…’ (1 Samuel 1:11)

Hannah also said to the priest: ‘I’m a woman broken-hearted… The only thing I’ve been pouring out is my heart, pouring it out to God… I’m so desperately unhappy and in such pain…’

Eli answered her by saying, ‘Go in peace. And may the God of Israel give you what you have asked of Him.’

The story ends with the following: ‘God began making the necessary arrangements in response to what Hannah had asked.’

I know that God always hears the deepest cries of our hearts.

I know what I want out of life.

But for now, it’s waiting time…




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