| First Published in Kouga Express |
Sometimes the thing we are afraid of doing is the same thing we must do. On the other side of fear is our destiny; it’s where endless possibilities await. When we give in to fear, we give up on our future, our voice.
Recently I did a motivational talk at a school. A teenager came up to me afterward and asked, ‘How do you manage to speak in front of people like that? I don’t think I’d ever be able to do it myself!’
I responded, ‘The more you do it, the easier it becomes.’ It made me think of my voice and the journey I went through to find it. More importantly, it made me think of the voices I listen to and respond to.
I lost all of my hearing due to a fever I had as a baby. By the age of two, I wasn’t responding when my name was called. Hearing tests determined that I had 97% hearing loss. A defeating voice spoke to my parents, saying, ‘Vicki’s life is over.’ Another bold voice spoke: ‘Will you focus on how big your problem is? Or how big your God is?’
My parents focused on the latter. I received my first hearing aids, and my parents encouraged me to use my voice. My voice was given back to me, and I quickly learned how to speak like a hearing person.
Fast forward to high school, where jealous girls compared themselves to me. At that stage I wore no hearing aids, so lipreading was my only means of communication. I excelled in it, but I could no longer hear my voice. Was I speaking too loud? Or too soft? Did I mispronounce words? Was I making a fool of myself? The girls knew that and targeted me in that vulnerability.
My voice was now being silenced. A tormenting voice said, ‘Your voice doesn’t matter. Shut up; be quiet.’
I developed a fear of speaking in front of people. After a shooting accident at the age of fourteen, the voice of depression haunted me: ‘End your life; it’s not worth living anymore.’ Soon afterwards, I had an encounter with a soft, still Voice that spoke to me and said, ‘Your life has a purpose. But you have to come and find your identity in Me.’
I shrugged off the discouraging voices and chose to listen to the Voice that gave me my life back. First off, I took drama classes so I could learn how to pronounce words, use my pauses, change the tone of my voice, etc. Then, I signed up to do evangelism at the local hospital every Wednesday morning before school.
I was getting my voice back by listening to the right voices.
By the time I finished high school, I was wearing hearing aids again. The 40% that I could hear helped me when it came to waitressing. That disheartening voice came back. When I served people, they would ask why I had an ‘accent.’ The voices asking me this specific question almost took my voice away again, but I chose not to let it silence me.
When I won Miss Deaf South Africa, I became a motivational speaker. Now my voice was daring, courageous, fearless, and unafraid. Every time that voice of ‘You’re different; you’ll make a fool of yourself’ came up, I would shut it down by doing more motivational talks, radio and television interviews. On the other side of the voice of fear, is a voice of destiny and purpose. I found my purpose in sharing my story.
I call this column ‘Vicki’s Voice,’ because I believe voices are significant. My voice is unique; no one sounds like me and no one ever will. My voice has a certain frequency, a certain vibrancy that only I can bring forth. What’s your story; what does your voice sound like? Do you have something to say? What are you saying? Is it loud and clear? More importantly, what voices are you listening to?
*
Here’s an uplifting song that greatly encourages me when it comes to allowing certain voices to speak to me:
